When I Fell Apart

Just like anyone who’s ever lived, I’ve had my share of struggles. Most of mine, maybe all of mine, have fear at the root of them. It’s always been the thorn in my side and there have been periods of my life where fear and anxiety have lain dormant and other times where they’ve comeContinue reading “When I Fell Apart”

The Opposite of Who You Are

Intrusive thoughts. If you have struggled with an anxiety disorder of any kind, you know how torturous intrusive thoughts can be. They seemingly appear out of nowhere and, in your heightened state of anxiety, you fixate on them, even though you don’t want to, even though they’re bothersome, even though they frighten you. Out ofContinue reading “The Opposite of Who You Are”

Changed for the Better

“See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.” – Isaiah 48:10 When I was in the thick of it, when my anxiety was at it’s very worst, when I felt tortured by my own thoughts, I could not see the light. I could not seeContinue reading “Changed for the Better”

Morphing Anxiety & Labels

I’ve written about this before but I used to feel a lot of shame about being diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). Even though I was struggling, there was something about the official diagnosis that didn’t sit well with me. Then, when I finally got used to the idea of that diagnosis, it changed toContinue reading “Morphing Anxiety & Labels”

A Change is Coming

I met my husband when I was 12. We started dating when I was 17. I married him when I was 24. Our families are friends and we come from similar, almost identical, backgrounds of the same faith and values. We are financially stable and live in a house with plenty of rooms for anyContinue reading “A Change is Coming”

Miracles

2011. I had just gotten married and instead of newlywed bliss, I was more anxious than I had ever been in my life. I told myself it was just the transition that was causing these anxious feelings, these bizarre symptoms, these thoughts of hopelessness. I kept thinking that one day I would wake up andContinue reading “Miracles”

My Factors

So, you really don’t need a “why” to feel anxious. I’ve struggled with that idea sometimes because as an analytical person I always want to know the reasons behind what I’m feeling, but I also know that sometimes searching for the “why” can add even more stress to whatever you’re feeling, especially when it’s notContinue reading “My Factors”

“Easy” Courage

There’s no such thing as easy courage. If there were, it wouldn’t be considered courage at all. This may seem like an obvious statement, but it wasn’t obvious to me for a long time. In my mind, courage and bravery came easier to others than it ever would for me. I would watch people giveContinue reading ““Easy” Courage”

Message over Discomfort

I’ve mentioned this before, but anxiety, for years, has been an incredible source of shame for me. It was my silent struggle, the thing that made me feel weak, not good enough, deeply flawed. I so wanted to appear confident, unafraid, capable and just normal. My struggle with anxiety, often debilitating anxiety, was my deep,Continue reading “Message over Discomfort”

The Diagnosis

F41.1. GAD, or, Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It’s a helpful code for medical professionals, for insurance companies, maybe for Therapists. It’s not the most helpful code for the person being diagnosed. At least it wasn’t for me. When my anxiety got really bad, right after my wedding, I remember telling the Doctor that I thought itContinue reading “The Diagnosis”