Smooth Sailing?
After practically a lifelong battle with anxiety, the last several years have been a really lovely hiatus from fear. I think mostly because I finally gave medication a try and although it wasn’t an easy decision nor an easy adjustment (re: side effects), I do think it’s worked wonders on my overall anxiety. I am…
What I’m Struggling With Still
Sometimes I look at my life, almost like an outside observer would, and I am struck with how different it looks from life three years ago. Sure, I’ve had a baby since then, but that’s not the difference I’m referring to, although it definitely has changed things. Three years ago, I was at the same…
The Last Time You Were You
I remember the searing pain radiating throughout my lower abdomen and towards my back as the contractions intensified and I remember thinking, “isn’t there supposed to be a break coming up?” The contraction felt never-ending. Agonizing. Where was the anesthesiologist with the drugs? I cannot tell you how much time passed, but it was long…
I feel…weird
I remember it. I was taking a test and all of a sudden the room just felt too quiet and my thoughts sounded too loud and I felt like my brain was shouting at me, sort of. I remember it. I was talking on the phone and all of a sudden the conversation sounded more…
The Game Changer(s)
In the last 2-3 years my anxiety has improved tremendously. Anxiety and I, well, we’ve known each other for a long time. It’s been a life-long journey, with battles throughout, but the time period between 2011-2020 was probably the toughest for me. 2011-2013 were almost unbearable. Then, things improved, but I still really struggled. I…
Like Everyone Else
It was exactly what I needed to hear in the moment. It had been a rough morning and I was questioning myself and my capabilities as a mom, wondering what was wrong with me because I didn’t feel the motherhood bliss I was supposed to be feeling. To be fair, there’s a whole spectrum when…
Choose Your Hard
We all know someone who thinks they have it worse than everyone else. The complainer. Maybe it’s a friend of ours, or a coworker, or a relative, or (yikes) maybe it’s us. The negative Nancy, the person who always has an ache or a pain to whine about, the person who never sees the glass…
Is it my personality or my anxiety?
It’s a Friday night in 2004. I’m a junior in high school and all my friends are heading to the football game. They’re pumped, all chattering excitedly about the boys they like, the cute football players, the events of the school week. I smile and mirror their excitement but nobody knows I’m pretending. I’d rather…
I forgot what it felt like to feel normal
I had learned to live with my anxiety. It wasn’t the monster it once was, but it was there, never letting me relax completely. I was coping with it, functioning, at least from the outside. I thought maybe this was as good as it was going to get, which wasn’t so bad. Sure, it sucked…
35 things
I’m 35. I realize I have a whole lot more life to live (hopefully), but I also think I’ve learned a thing or two in my 35 years on this beautiful, complicated planet spinning around the sun. I thought I’d share.
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The Hope Antidote 