My husband and I honeymooned in Greece after our wedding. Greece was spectacular – the calm, azure waters, the craggy cliffs, the blue and white buildings dotting the landscape, the ancient ruins reminding visitors of the deep, rich history of the land and all those who came before. Not to mention the incredible food and wine, the friendly people, and the luxurious hotels. It was a dream.
It also happened to be the place my anxiety disorder came to a head and erupted in a plethora of extremely unpleasant physical and mental symptoms. I did my best to enjoy the beauty surrounding me, but emotionally and mentally, I was a mess.
However, if you looked at the pictures I posted on my social media account at the time, you’d never know it.
I remember this one particular dinner. We were eating at a charming, little restaurant right on the beach, enjoying fresh fish and good wine, admiring the view…and I was having a panic attack. My husband had taken a picture of me just prior, though I had already been feeling anxious. There I was, tan and toned, makeup done, all dressed up, my hair blowing in the breeze, in the most dreamy setting you could imagine. I remember someone commented on the photo…”Love this, you look so relaxed.”
And I did! I looked relaxed, like I was living the life, like I didn’t have a care in the world. It was a good picture. It was also a fake picture. Sure, the setting was real, but that’s about it. I had to take my anxiety medication to get through that dinner. I had a panic attack and we had to leave the restaurant early. That was the reality that no one saw.
The point is, a picture may be worth a thousand words, but pictures can also lie. Social media can lie. People can lie. Sometimes we wear masks. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve faked it, either feeling severe anxiety, or having some sort of stomach issue, or awful thoughts, or any of the other symptoms that come along with an anxiety disorder, and I’ve managed to keep myself looking like I have it together long enough until I could escape and fall apart when I was alone again.
Don’t believe everything you see. Don’t fall for the lie that everyone else has it together. Don’t believe that you’re the only one struggling…with an anxiety disorder, with depression, with marriage issues, with loneliness, with postpartum depression, with anger and resentment, with addiction, with ________. Fill in the blank.
Most of us are just faking it. Sometimes what people put out there, what we get to see, is a very different reality from the one they’re actually living.
It could be an illusion. It’s worth keeping that in mind the next time you’re tempted to compare yourself to your favorite influencer on Instagram.
The Hope Antidote 