The Land of the Living

It was the promise I clung to when my anxiety was at its peak and I was at my worst.

“Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.”

Psalm 27:13 NLT

As a Christian I believe one day the world will be righted – that there will be no more tears or pain or suffering. The world will be redeemed, renewed and all of our momentary troubles will be no more.

But…the thought of living out the rest of my earthly days struggling with anxiety was enough to send me reeling towards despair, and despair is never a good place to set up camp in.

What I’ve been reminded of recently is that God, of course, cares about our souls and our eternal future, but that he also does care about our lives today, our present moments, our immediate now.

It’s a hard truth that God does not always heal. He does not always give us what we ask for. He does not always answer immediately. And I don’t always understand why.

For a long time I worried that I would be stuck with anxiety, that it was going to be my cross to bear and that was really hard for me to accept. I wanted so desperately to wake up one day and just be free but it didn’t happen for years and, even now, when anxiety is no longer debilitating, no longer a part of my daily life, no longer a constant battle, the journey to freedom was fraught with all kinds of setbacks and things that didn’t work.

Even my decision to eventually go on Zoloft wasn’t an easy one, and the process wasn’t at all linear. It took much longer for me to feel any difference and much longer for me to be free of side effects than I ever thought it would. Way longer than people in forums on Google. Way longer than certain friends, who I knew were on it. It took about a year to get the right dose, and for my body to adjust to that dose. And during that time, I thought it was just one more thing that didn’t work.

I was really close to feeling hopeless. God would prompt me to remember Psalm 27:13…I am confident I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Right now. In this early life. Not in heaven, after I am dead but here, now. Even though I wasn’t confident of that at all, I spoke that verse aloud over and over and over again.

I also read something by Beth Moore that helped me tremendously when I worried that maybe this was as good as it was going to get, when I thought that God wasn’t going to heal me, when I thought that maybe I’d have to live my life with anxiety. I had proved I could do it. I was living with debilitating anxiety, but it was so hard. And I was so tired.

Beth Moore says, in her book, Breaking Free, “God may not always will for us to be physically healed in these earthly bodies or tangibly prosperous, but He always wills for us to be free from strongholds.”

He always wills for us to be free from strongholds.

Anxiety is a stronghold. Yes, it’s complex and yes, perhaps there are biological components, but it is a stronghold. God does not want you to be anxious. God does not want me to be anxious. In fact, he commands us not to be over and over again. So, if you’re like me, and you’re wondering if God doesn’t want to heal you of anxiety, that’s a lie. Cast it out. He wills you to be free from it.

Freedom from anxiety can take time. It takes effort. It is hard work. Cry out to God. Continue to ask for freedom. Ask Him to help you overcome. Ask Him for the strength to continue to fight it. And if you need to go on medication, do it! It’s not wrong. I still struggle with guilt about my medication use. But when I do, I say, Thank you God for allowing me to live in a time where there is help for mental health. Thank you God for my Doctor. Thank you God for helping me to get to this point. Thank you God for modern medicine and for therapists and for exercise!

Don’t believe that you’ll be stuck in anxiety forever. Even if it’s been years and years. I was there. I thought that things were as good as they were going to get. But, remember, God always wills you be free of strongholds.

And remember to be confident that you will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Hope for healing from anxiety. Don’t lose your hope. Healing is possible….this side of heaven.