Social media is controversial for good reason. It’s been called addictive and demotivating and it’s been linked to an increase in depression and anxiety. On the flip side, I would argue it’s brought awareness and openness to the once-taboo topic of mental illness.
I struggled on and off with debilitating anxiety most of my life and, because of that, I felt there was something wrong with me. I didn’t understand what was happening to me when I had my first panic attack circa 2003/2004 and when my anxiety reached an all-time high in 2011, coming back with a vengeance after a rather long hiatus, I truly thought I was losing my mind.
I had just gotten married and I had been highly anxious and stressed for about a month leading up to the big day (although probably a lot longer, I just was unaware). I made it through the big day and I took a deep breath, feeling immense relief that the anxiety I had been struggling with could now be put to rest and I could go back to living my life. I boarded a plane to Greece with my new husband, ready to relax and unwind on our honeymoon.
Despite the azure waters and beautiful backdrop of the mediterranean, I had the worst anxiety attack of my life our first night in our 5-star hotel. It was the beginning of an almost 10 year struggle with all kinds of anxiety-induced symptoms.
The scariest symptom for me, one that I hadn’t experienced before, was the intrusive, sometimes violent, thoughts that seemed to pop into my mind out of nowhere. Worse still, was the shame and horror I felt after experiencing these thoughts. What kind of monster was I? I thought I was doomed to spend my life in some sort of psychiatric facility.
I later found out that intrusive thoughts, of all kinds, varying in their bizarre nature, are actually a SUPER common symptom of elevated stress hormones. But remember, this was 2011. There were no Instagram accounts devoted to anxiety, no fancy graphics about the side effects of stress. There was google but the information that was out there at that time was actually fairly limited. I stumbled across anxietycentre.com and I still recommend them to this day because their information, and firsthand experience with the many kinds of symptoms brought on by anxiety, is the best out there. Their website and one of their Therapists were part of what carried me through, arguably, the darkest time in my life.
Part of what held me back from fully healing was the embarrassment and shame I felt over having to deal with a mental health problem. I kept it a secret from everyone. I looked down on myself for having this struggle. I felt weak, flawed in some way.
Even now, as conversations about mental health are becoming more prevalent and younger generations seem to be much more open about their own struggles with depression and anxiety, I don’t think we’re done.
The progress we’ve made on the mental health front is certainly notable. I’m so pleased to see all the information, the stories, the self-help stuff that’s out there now. But, I’d still argue there are some forms of anxiety and depression that aren’t readily acceptable. It’s ok to say you have high functioning anxiety or test anxiety or a fear of heights but it’s not necessarily ok to talk about how you get nauseous before a social event or you struggle with harm OCD or violent/bizarre intrusive thoughts. When, really, anxiety is anxiety and just manifests itself in different ways based on a number of different factors.
I’ve mentioned before that my anxiety disorder has morphed and been diagnosed differently at different times. I’ve technically been “labeled” as having panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety. I have a touch of OCD-like symptoms as well…And I’ve struggled to accept the “label” or diagnosis each time.
In the end, it’s stress and anxiety and one “type” of anxiety shouldn’t be more acceptable than the other types. Whether you struggle with health anxiety and hypochondria, OCD, phobias, social anxiety, or just general feelings of fear, it can all be burdensome. One isn’t “better” than the other. It’s simply the way stress hormones manifest themselves that differ.
All anxiety sucks equally. I think we’re on our way to realizing that and, hopefully, mental health stigma will one day be a thing of the past, for ALL kinds of anxiety disorders and the like.
The Hope Antidote 